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When did everyone suddenly become a critic for The Literary Review? 'Unwieldy plot devices', 'no discernible story', 'unsexy and unbelievable', 'artsy, conceited, self-aggrandising, obnoxious shit'; and those are the publishable comments. Honestly, people! They're just some fun-sized, amateur erotica stories. They're not the translation committee text for The King James Bible or a draft wording for an all-encompassing Middle East Peace Accord.But I digress. None of this was really Albie's fault, and he had been so helpful with the time illusion thingy, so my behaviour was just a touch inappropriate. But, thankfully, we've reached that point in these things where I say it's time to go 'to the letter'. Yippee. Dear Ms Girl,I write you with a certain expectation in mind, and in my deepest of hearts, I hope that you can help me in my quest for relief; no, not that kind of relief, well not today anyway, though if the future is kind to us then maybe I could fulfil those dark fantasies. Posh restaurant, dark, lots of heavy drapes, black and red, velvet tablecloths and seat covers. Large black candles on floor mounted candelabra provide the seductive illumination. A 20’s theme night.A pleasant murmur of conversation pervades the room, the actual voices and content muffled by the heavy furnishing. The clientele are very obviously affluent; there is an undercurrent of decadence often brought about by gatherings such as this. All of the ladies are wearing 20’s style gowns, those who smoke exhibit their cigarettes held in long holders twirled between fingers clad in lace opera gloves. Many wear extravagant, colour-coordinated hats. The dress code of red and black chosen specifically to blend with the environs of the room.You are wearing an off –the- shoulder red silk dress, tight to the body, hugging your butt, thighs and calves, leading one’s eyes to the impossibly high patent stilettoes which you can only barely walk in. Your stockings, black of course, are hidden.
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